Recreational writing.

So... I decided to write a book and wanted to get you opinions on the first few pages (doing this in a small book so that I can write whenever I get an idea). This may take a few minutes to write so I'm writing the story in a new post. Please keep in mind this book is supposed to be an action story that never has a dull moment. It's in a third-person view and it IS an adult book so there will be the odd swear word here and their. Well, here it goes. Be back in a few with the story written in a new post.


EDIT- This is a rough copy. I haven't decided on names yet or gun names and stuff like that. I am currently taking suggestions for names of planets, people, guns etc. If you find something seems wrong in the story, don't be afraid to throw in some constructive criticism

NOTE: This is not a star trek story or anything. Just a self-project. If I ever finish it I might get it published if it's good enough =P

"Sh*t, incoming!" yelled the sergeant. Biological missiles pounded against the top of the underground sand bunker. "The bunker can't take much more of this sir!" yelled a young private. "Private Gordy, man the 29.7. Let's take as many of those things down with us as we can before we die." The soldier grabbed the controls for the over sized machine gun with a lightning fast speed, and started punching in commands.

The squad sergeant watched in his usual amazement as fist sized bolts came flying out of the mouth of the monstrous gun. Immediately, alien blood and guts flew across the battlefield in front of the battered squad.

"How long do you think we can hold them off for sir?" "A few minutes at most private. You have that distress beacon up and running yet? "Yes sir.", "All that's left now is to hope for rescue before they get through the 29.7's fire."
.........................................................

Stupid aliens, thought the private as he worked his way up the mountain, pushing away dead bodies as he walked. Finally at the top. He slung his sniper from his back into his hands. Just breath slowly. He aimed his gun and looked through the scope. Now to just find the right angle... He fired. The bullet went flying through two aliens, hit a rock and ricocheted and killed three more of the creatures. "Bulls eye!" he whispered to himself, admiring his handiwork. Suddenly, he heard a voice through his intercom.

<This is an automated distress signal. If anyone can hear this, we are under fire at coords 136, 285. We can't last much longer and need immediate backup.>
Oh, come on! Really? Looks like I have a new objective......"
.........................................................

"Get that gun stable!" yelled the stressed out sergeant. "Sir, we're doing all we can, but the gun's overheating too fast! If we keep this up, -------" His sentence was cut off as the gun's fussion reactor blew, killing three of the ten remaining squad members. "Damn! Now we have no gun, seven people and a swarm of aliens heading straight for our position. Soldiers, get you're daggers and pistols out and get ready for some close quarters fighting."

Cool story leaf i like it a lot can you write more?
good luck with your writing

Nice start, Lieutenant. Keep it up.

But I must insist that you keep the occassional "4-letter" words either modified or left out. After all, these forums are accessible to the general public. So, you may spell it like "sh*t" or "f***"

Done. I edited it out and will keep that in mind =)

http://bonius.com/gallery2/d/5145-1/picard.jpg

Just kiding lad.

It's a gr8 story.

Keep it coming.

I think that my recreational writing is writing on this site.

Topics per day : 1.00
Posts per day : 15.00



It's chilling time.

Sh*t, incoming!" yelled the sergeant. Biological missiles pounded against the top of the stone war bunker. "The bunker can't take much more of this sir!" yelled a young private, "The architecture is starting to crack under the strain of these barrages.".The sergeant quickly replied with an order, "Private Gordy, man the 29.7. Let's take as many of those things down with us as we can before we die." The soldier grabbed the controls for the over sized machine gun with a lightning fast speed, and started punching in commands.

The squad sergeant watched in his usual amazement as fist sized bolts came flying out of the mouth of the monstrous gun. Immediately, alien blood and guts flew across the battlefield in front of the battered squad. The aliens horrid smell still filled the air though, even with the disgusting sources of the stench dead.

"How long do you think we can hold them off for sir?"Yelled the private in a distressed voice. He looked overstressed for such a young age "A few minutes at most private. You have that distress beacon up and running yet? "Replied the sergeant in a serious tone. "Yes sir.", the sergeant sighed in relief. For the first time that day things were starting to look like they had a chance "All that's left now is to hope for rescue before they get through the 29.7's fire."
.........................................................

Stupid aliens, thought the young private as he worked his way up the mountain, pushing away dead bodies as he walked. The battle here had already taken place and he had the job of just taking out the few alien patrols the main alien army left behind to make sure they didn't regain control of the area after the aliens captured it. The place was quiet, just the way he liked it. Even though his specialty was the sniper, he was adept with all forms of weapons. "The youngest and most promising soldier in the regiment", he recalled the words of his commanding officer.

Finally at the top. He slung his sniper from his back into his hands. He had been training since the age of only five for this day, his first time in battle. Just breath slowly. He aimed his gun and looked through the scope. He forced himself to remember his personal trainers words of advice. Now to just find the right angle... He fired. The bullet went flying through two aliens, hit a rock and exploded into a miniature burst of fragments, killing three more of the creatures. "Bulls eye!" he whispered to himself, sitting down to admire his handiwork.

Not many people could have fired that shot with as much precision as him, especially with that d@mn sun glaring in his eyes. He pushed a piece of dirty blonde hair out of his eyes. He was one of the only soldiers who they made the exception of allowing to leave his hair howhe wanted. Suddenly, he heard a voice through his intercom.

<This is an automated distress signal. If anyone can hear this, we are under fire at coords 136, 285. We can't last much longer and need immediate backup.>
Oh, come on! Really? Looks like I have a new objective......"
.........................................................

"Get that gun stable!" yelled the stressed out sergeant. His age was starting to show from the stress. "Sir, we're doing all we can, but the gun's overheating too fast! If we keep this up, -------" His sentence was cut off as the gun's fusion reactor blew, killing three of the ten remaining squad members. "Damn! Now we have no gun, seven people and a swarm of aliens heading straight for our position. Soldiers, get you're daggers and pistols out and get ready for some close quarters fighting."

The aliens had always been a threat to the universe. Ever since the day the passenger vessel, Serushulis, had first come into contact with them, hey had been trouble. Attacking and devouring the ship, only emergency distress signals had given any indication of what the enemy was. They soon encountered it again though when it attacks a Human colony on one of the further planets in colonization, it had been discovered that the aliens were biologically enhanced and created by a hive ship which held the sentient being that created the creatures. Not much was known about the creators of the beasts, since no resistance had ever been able to make it that far through the space-fairing biological monsters that surrounded it. The beasts that acted as foot soldiers took the basic shape of a human that had mutated, while others looked more like large dogs with bio-guns.

The light grey creatures swarmed around the bunker with only the occasional flash of green showed that there was flesh under the creatures thick carapieces. The carapieces looked kind of like at extra exoskeleton outside the beasts bodies that covered them. Some bullets couldn't even pierce through it. One of the monstrosities slammed into the bunker makeshift door with it's four arms' almost knocking it down. A quick flash appeared and disappeared as the creature sunk to the ground from a stab would that came through a small slit in the door about 6 feet high, where the creatures head would be. Another quickly scuttled forward to take it's place trying to get through the door.

Suddenly the grounded started to shake. "Sir, we have a problem." said an orange haired Private. The sergeant noticed he looked slightly old than the others. Over the howling sounds of the creatures outside, they heard a roar.

............................................................

The young soldier dropped down the steep edge of the slope, about twenty feet below his original sniping spot and into a valley with some rock outcrops. He landed gracefully as his 10 years of harsh training reminded him to tuck and roll as he landed to lower the force of impact and he took caution to avoid the rocks infront of him as he rolled a few feet forward. He started jogging towards the source of the distress signal. His HUD beeped indicating he was only a few hundred meters away. In front of him was a large drop about 80 meters down he saw the bunker and something standing over it.

……………………………………………………..

The sergeant looked up as the giant creature tore open the top of the bunker. He had heard stories from survivors about this… thing, but he had never seen one with his own eyes. The creature was known among the soldiers as the Death Bringers because people rarely survived encounters with it even with heavy weapons and yet all they had were pistols. The Death Bringer had two large arms that ended in huge crab-like claws and was about 12 to 15 feet tall. It had a second set of arms that led to a pair of giant scythes, although some of the creatures, nicknamed the Ranged Devils by some of the veterans, had large bio-guns that fired acid that was made by the creature.

The Swarm of Hythopods behind the Death Bringer stopped advancing automatically sensing their larger brethrens anger and strength. The Sergeant whispered, “Hold your fire troops.” The youngest of the squad started to tremble. The sergeant could hear him muttering a prayer under his breath. “Don’t do anything drastic Barry. Just don’t move.” The words of his prayer were of a foreign language but he automatically recognized it as a prayer before one dies. Barry raised his pistol and fired a full round at the Death Bringers head.
It roared and then with a quick swoop, picked up the soldier and flung him into a nearby cliff face. The remaining soldiers dived for any cover the broken bunker could provide but there was nothing that could protect them from the Death Bringers claws. It was about to pick up another soldier when suddenly everyone heard a scream. The creature looked up just as a man fell onto it’s head, jamming a sniper in its eye using the momentum of the fall. The creature groaned as it fell to the ground as the man fired the gun and the bullet blew metal shrapnel into its skull.

The swarm of Hythopods retreated in the confusion and panic of their leader dieing. “Holy Sh!t! Is that guy ok?” said one of the soldiers. The sergeant went around and found their savior on the other side of the dead Death Bringer. He was dusting off his pants when the Sergeant asked, “Kid what’s your name?” He replied with an aggrevaited look and then said, “Firstly, I’m not a kid, I’m 16. Secondly the name’s John, Private John Leaf.