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Kugis Borgir

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PostSubject: Star Trek Jokes   Sat Oct 17, 2009 2:48 pm

So, I thought it might be a good idea to combine the fleet's creative energy and start a thread where we come up with Star Trek related jokes; to get the ball rolling, I'll set one up and I'd like somebody to reply with whatever they think the punchline should be.

*clears throat*
...
*epic smokers' cough*
...
...
*more epic smokers' coughing*
...
...
So, you might be a Klingon if...
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Admiral Webster
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PostSubject: Re: Star Trek Jokes   Sat Oct 17, 2009 3:07 pm

...if today is a good to die. (Yeah I know, that was pretty bad) Rolling Eyes
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Kugis Borgir

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PostSubject: Re: Star Trek Jokes   Sat Oct 17, 2009 3:14 pm

lol! That one wasn't too bad, I mean it slices, it dices, it makes Julienne fries! It works for Klingons AND Lakota Souix warriors! hehe

EDIT: After that advertising bit, I gotta say it now... ... ... BILLY MAYS HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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threeinone
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PostSubject: Re: Star Trek Jokes   Sat Oct 17, 2009 10:07 pm

Kugis Borgir wrote:
So, you might be a Klingon if...

If you think prune juice is a "Warrior's drink"
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Kugis Borgir

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PostSubject: Re: Star Trek Jokes   Sun Oct 18, 2009 12:10 am

Heh, following up on my earlier comment...

BILLY MAYS HERE!!!! ARE YOU TIRED OF ALL THOSE PESKY KLINGONS?!?!?!?!111 THEN TRY MY NEW QUANTUM-BOOM!!!! IT TAKES CARE OF EVEN THE TOUGHEST KLINGONS AT THE SUB-ATOMIC LEVEL!!!!! IF YOUR NOT COMPLETELY SATISFIED I'LL EVEN REFUND YOUR 200 QUATLOO PURCHASE!!! BUT WAIT THERES MORE!!!11 ORDER NOW AND I'LL DOUBLE YOUR ORDER!!! CALL NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111111111111111

EDIT: If anyone who reads this post doesn't know who Billy Mays is, go to youtube NOW! heh

EDIT 2: Better yet, just go here: Billy Mays Gangsta Remix (youtube)


Last edited by Kugis Borgir on Sun Oct 18, 2009 10:49 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Latinumbar
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PostSubject: Re: Star Trek Jokes   Sun Oct 18, 2009 1:35 am

I'm a DOCTOR, not a Klingon
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threeinone
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PostSubject: Re: Star Trek Jokes   Sun Oct 18, 2009 6:00 pm

Latinumbar wrote:
I'm a DOCTOR, not a Klingon

LOL You have been waiting a long time to say that haven't you?
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Latinumbar
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PostSubject: Re: Star Trek Jokes   Sun Oct 18, 2009 10:35 pm

threeinone wrote:
LOL You have been waiting a long time to say that haven't you?

Only for a few weeks Very Happy
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Kugis Borgir

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PostSubject: Re: Star Trek Jokes   Sun Oct 18, 2009 10:42 pm

You might be a Romulan if your cloaking device has a cloaking device on it. Razz
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_paragon

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PostSubject: Re: Star Trek Jokes   Mon Oct 19, 2009 11:12 pm

You might be James T. Kirk if...
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Kugis Borgir

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PostSubject: Re: Star Trek Jokes   Wed Oct 21, 2009 3:25 pm

you can somehow make the word "KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" echo through the vacuum of space.
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BrelTurrin

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PostSubject: Re: Star Trek Jokes   Fri Oct 23, 2009 3:44 am

What is Data's favorite song?

"I Left My Head in San Francisco"
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Kugis Borgir

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PostSubject: Re: Star Trek Jokes   Mon Oct 26, 2009 9:00 pm

BrelTurrin wrote:
What is Data's favorite song?

"I Left My Head in San Francisco"

lol! That's a good one!

Even though this is ridiculously long, I found a funny story at this link but here it is to save y'all a trip:

Star Trek TNG Meets Microsoft

Picard:
Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access their command pathways?

Geordi:
Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology.
Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.

Riker:
[puzzled] What the hell is Microsoft?

Data:
[turns to explain] Allow me to explain. We will send this program, for some reason called Windows, through the Borg command pathways. Once inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming system resources at an unstoppable rate.

Picard:
But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter their processing systems to increase their storage capacity?

Data:
Yes, Captain. But when Windows detects this, it creates a new version of itself known as an upgrade. The use of resources increases exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not be able to adapt quickly enough. Eventually all of their processing ability will be taken over and none will be available for their normal operational functions.

Picard:
Excellent work. This is even better than that unsolvable geometric shape idea.

. . . . 15 Minutes Later . . .

Data:
Captain, we have successfully installed the Windows in the Borg's command unit. As expected, it immediately consumed 85% of all available resources. However, we have not received any confirmation of the expected upgrade.

Geordi:
Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and CPU capacity, but we still have no indication of an upgrade to compensate for their increase.

Picard:
Data, scan the history banks again and determine if there is something we have missed.

Data:
Sir, I believe there is a reason for the failure in the upgrade. Apparently the Borg have circumvented that part of the plan by not sending in their registration cards.

Riker:
Captain, we have no choice. Requesting permission to begin emergency escape sequence 3F!

Geordi:
[excited] Wait, Captain! Their CPU capacity has suddenly dropped to 0% !

Picard:
Data, what do your scanners show?

Data:
[studying displays] Apparently the Borg have found the internal Windows module named Solitaire, and it has used up all available CPU capacity.

Picard:
Lets wait and see how long this Solitaire can reduce their functionality.

. . . . Two Hours Pass . . .

Riker:
Geordi, what is the status of the Borg?

Geordi:
As expected, the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to compensate for increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they successfully increase resources I have setup our closest deep space monitor beacon to transmit more Windows modules from something called the Microsoft Fun-Pack.

Picard:
How much time will that buy us?

Data:
Current Borg solution rates allow me to predict an interest time span of 6 more hours.

Geordi:
Captain, another vessel has entered our sector.

Picard:
Identify.

Data:
It appears to have markings very similar to the Microsoft logo...
[over the speakers] This is admiral Bill Gates of the Microsoft flagship MONOPOLY. We have positive confirmation of unregistered software in this sector. Surrender all assets and we can avoid any trouble. You have 10 seconds to comply.

Data:
The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and released thousands of humanoid-shaped objects.

Picard:
Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft!

Riker:
My God, captain! Those are human beings floating straight toward the Borg ship - with no life support suits! How can they survive the tortures of deep space?!

Data:
I do not believe that those are humans, sir. If you will look closer I believe you will see that they are carrying something recognized by twenty-first century man as doeskin leather briefcases, and wearing Armani suits.

Riker and Picard, together [horrified]:
Lawyers!!

Geordi:
It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent hurtling into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening.

Data:
True, but apparently some must have survived.

Riker:
They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with all types of papers.

Data:
I believe that is known in ancient vernacular as red tape. It often proves fatal.

Riker:
They're tearing the Borg to pieces!

Picard:
Turn the monitors off, Data, I cant bear to watch. Even the Borg doesn't deserve such a gruesome death!
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kilmer

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PostSubject: star trek jokes   Sat Nov 07, 2009 1:24 pm

The reasons the federation don,t use cloaking devices.

1, test ships keep disappearing and never seen again.
2, Insurance companys won,t cover accidents involing two cloaked ships colliding into each other
3, Afraid it would make it to easy for kirk to steal amother ship out of a docking bay
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kilmer

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PostSubject: star trek jokes   Sat Nov 07, 2009 3:56 pm

whats locutus,s favorite beer-

carlsborg lol
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kilmer

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PostSubject: star trek jokes   Sat Nov 07, 2009 3:58 pm

Borg moderator-

Your topic is irrelevant
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Intrepid
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PostSubject: Re: Star Trek Jokes   Wed Nov 18, 2009 9:35 pm

You know your a true trek nerd when u see starships everywhere.

Including on the ad screen for the Imac at apple

http://www.apple.com/imac/

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waltflowers

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PostSubject: Re: Star Trek Jokes   Sat Nov 21, 2009 2:34 pm

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAH Kill them all Twisted Evil
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PostSubject: Re: Star Trek Jokes   Sat Nov 21, 2009 9:06 pm

is that a joke?
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Lexor90

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PostSubject: Re: Star Trek Jokes   Sat Nov 21, 2009 9:08 pm

are you serious about that apple ad?
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PostSubject: Re: Star Trek Jokes   Sat Nov 21, 2009 9:14 pm

yes look at the link i gave you Razz
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chickenbranches

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PostSubject: Re: Star Trek Jokes   Sat Nov 21, 2009 9:15 pm

thats a cool looking ad lol
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Dondead
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PostSubject: Re: Star Trek Jokes   Sat Nov 21, 2009 9:15 pm

Haha indeed. Razz
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Kugis Borgir

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PostSubject: Re: Star Trek Jokes   Sat Nov 21, 2009 9:19 pm

Humor aside, how is Star Trek supposed to sell Apple computers? I just don't get it...
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PostSubject: Re: Star Trek Jokes   Sat Nov 21, 2009 9:21 pm

uhm i think cause of the popularity of the new movie that recently came out on dvd but who knows.
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